SECRETS LANZAROTE RESORT

Excellent place to spend a week in the sun. The overall experience was wonderful. This is a vey nice 5-star resort with excellent food and beverages.

This hotel is perfect if you’re looking for a quiet getaway. Very peaceful and has everything you need for a relaxing holiday. The spa is a must visit, be careful as the jets are very powerful😳. The staff are very friendly and helpful, there is entertainment every night and a good selection of cocktails to enjoy. I can’t pick any real faults with the hotel. I wouldn’t say the hotel is a 5 star , but more a good 4 star. We had transfers included with Jet 2 , but some advice, check how many drops there are before they drop at Secrets , we were the 11th drop which took about 75 minutes for what is a 15 minute ride

We have been staying at this beautiful hotel for many years now but it’s still worth giving it a mention on here. Secrets is a beautiful hotel with stunning grounds and pools, always so well maintained and cleaned. The staff who work at the hotel are clearly invested in making this a wonderful place to holiday. A big shout out to Laura and Valentin in Portofino who always made breakfast such an enjoyable experience, the al la carte menu has so much choice and is excellent quality. Guest Services are always on hand to ensure people have a great time, we especially enjoy catching up with Laura B who is like an old friend now. You are greeted on arrival with ‘Welcome Home’ and it really does feel like this. Can’t wait to return!

We have been visiting the hotel since late 2003, Still a favourite. It remains a beautiful resort right on the ocean, just a 15-minute walk from Puerto Calero marina. The concierge team and reception are always welcoming and attentive. (Side note: we missed seeing Conte this time – get well soon!) We were disappointed not to have the use of Bluewater Grill or the Barefoot pool bar due to remodelling and awaiting permission to reopen. That said, we thoroughly enjoyed the excellent sushi at Gohan (Sergio runs it well, very professional). The piano bar service was generally very good, and World Café continues to offer great choices for breakfast and early lunch. A small suggestion: using cloches to cover the bread would help, even if it frustrates the birds! Portofino and Oceana are both excellent à la carte options and definitely worth visiting. Special mention to Carla from the Guest Experience team, she’s a fantastic asset and always goes the extra mile to make you feel welcome and at home. So many hardworking, wonderful waiters, chefs, and cleaners, thank you all! I would easily have given this a 5-star rating if the other restaurants had been operational. We’ll definitely be back. See you soon, Secrets Lanzarote!

We are currently staying at Secrets Lanzarote Resort & Spa and, unfortunately, the experience has been profoundly underwhelming for what markets itself as a 5-star resort under the Secrets brand. To be fair, there are genuinely good aspects worth highlighting. On arrival, Noemi at reception was excellent. Our flight and transfer delays meant we had not eaten in roughly 12 hours, and she kindly expedited and paused our check-in process so we could get food from the buffet before it closed. That level of common sense and customer care was appreciated. Jose at reception was also outstanding throughout our stay. He dealt immediately with an issue involving a leaking air conditioning unit in the room, which was resolved promptly with no further issues. He also genuinely tried to help with the ongoing coffee situation, although it was clearly beyond his control or remit. The rooms themselves are spacious, clean, modern, and well maintained. Beds are extremely comfortable and housekeeping standards appear good. The sushi restaurant is also genuinely very good. The chef is excellent. Food quality there is noticeably above the standard elsewhere in the hotel. Service can be slower, but understandably so given it is prepared fresh by a single skilled chef who is diligent, professional, and friendly throughout. Unfortunately, the positives stop there. The coffee bar is honestly one of the worst “premium” coffee experiences I have ever encountered in hospitality. Charging guests around €5 for what is essentially undrinkable coffee is astonishing. The grinder is clearly not dialled in, extraction is catastrophically poor, and the staff operating the machine appear to have little or no training in even the basics of espresso preparation. Every coffee arrives as under-extracted brown water with milk indiscriminately added to disguise it. After repeatedly explaining the issue politely and constructively, nobody listened or attempted to rectify it. It eventually became embarrassing to even continue asking for coffee in the mornings because it was obvious nobody operating the machine understood how it worked. I have genuinely had better coffee from instant sachets at roadside motels. The Italian restaurant was equally disappointing. The tagliatelle funghi lacked even basic seasoning, the pasta was overcooked, and the sauce was effectively flavourless. The mushrooms appeared identical to those used in the garlic prawns and mushroom dish, which itself was an oily, over-fried mess. Having to heavily salt a pasta dish simply to make it edible says a lot. The buffet operation is chaotic and poorly managed. Being left waiting at the entrance for extended periods just to be seated becomes frustrating very quickly. Once inside, standards deteriorate further. Birds and insects were actively around the food stations during lunch service, including starlings landing around uncovered bread and buffet items while staff appeared entirely unconcerned. That is not remotely acceptable at a hotel advertising itself as luxury. There was even an occasion where there was bird excrement on the food items at the bread and cured meats station (image included as evidence) which was highlighted to the staff, and not even an apology offered. Just the offending meat with bird excrement removed from the station. Truly revolting. Food preparation standards at the live stations were also concerning. On two separate occasions, pork and turkey were served undercooked. The staff member collecting plates showed no concern whatsoever when plates containing visibly raw meat were returned. The chefs themselves appear inexperienced, slow, and disorganised during even moderate service demand. The closure of the Bluewater Grill for maintenance has massively reduced daytime food options, particularly for guests who are not part of the “Preferred Club.” This was not made clear during booking. The hotel’s solution appears to have been simply extending buffet opening hours until 18:00. However, arriving at 17:00 for food resulted in staff visibly acting as though we were inconveniencing them while food was actively being removed around us. I repeatedly had to ask for items not to be taken away despite being well within the advertised opening time. Being continually reminded “we close at 18:00” while sitting there at 17:00 was bizarre. Either advertise the buffet as open until 18:00 or close it earlier. Do not punish guests for using the facilities during stated opening hours. Buffet replenishment is another major issue. If you are not there early, you are effectively picking through leftovers. Bread, meats, and several other items regularly run low and are not replenished adequately. Desserts are generally disappointing. Most resemble mass-produced tray desserts with the appearance and texture of supermarket freezer items rather than anything expected from a luxury resort. Cakes frequently appeared dried out, damp from humidity, or repeatedly chilled and re-served. Gelato is a saving grace, but yet again failure to re-stock cones means you’re stuck with a bowl or cheap whippy cone. The room soundproofing is also shockingly poor. Conversations and noise from neighbouring rooms can be heard almost word-for-word. The walls genuinely feel paper thin. For guests looking for healthier food options, the hotel also offers surprisingly poor carbohydrate choices. Beyond chips, salted potatoes, pizza, garlic bread, and inconsistent bread replenishment, there are very limited clean or balanced carbohydrate options such as rice or simpler whole-food staples. Breakfast lacks generally healthy protein options. Ultimately, even before considering this is a Secrets-branded property, the hotel feels gloriously average while charging luxury prices. The spa facilities likely contribute heavily to the 5-star rating because the food, service consistency, operational management, and overall hospitality experience certainly do not justify it. If we had paid individually for meals rather than staying all-inclusive, the pricing versus quality would have been genuinely difficult to justify. This is not an awful hotel. It is simply a deeply underwhelming one that repeatedly falls short of the standard it advertises.